New Year, New Brain

new studio photo

I always find myself way in over my head and with a to-do list that’s longer than a CVS receipt. It has been 3 years since I’ve attempted at starting my own business, even longer if you count the Etsy shop I briefly opened up in college. Overzealous, fickle, and impatient would be the words I’d use to describe myself throughout this process. There are two things, however, that have remained consistent through my journey starting a business. One is that I am dedicated to writing. The other is my art, which started out as a fun hobby and turned into illustration and painting.

I’m not very good at staying on track of things. I get caught up in a daily hurricane of thoughts and ideas, and usually my inspiration shifts as quickly as it started. I’m a woman of many muses who all demand my attention.

So you can’t imagine how happy I was that my parents offered their spare bedroom for me to use as a studio space. This room… I can come in here and not think about dishes or laundry or the end of the world or whatever random thought has pulled me away from my focus for hours. My brain is always swirling, and here I have a somewhat empty room. Somewhere where I can place my mind-garbage outside the door and work. Knowing myself, this could or could not last very long, this motivation, so I’ll use it while I can.

I think you know what I’m getting at here. I’ve talked a lot about mental illness, on here, Instagram, or just if you happen to talk to me (which is rare because I don’t talk to many people). I’ve talked about PTSD and panic attacks and nightmares. I’ve talked about depression and misdiagnosis. I’ve talked about my sleep, or inability to.

Just like my to-do list, I come with a litany of ailments that seems to always grow longer, shifting as my mind does back and forth. Sometimes the diagnoses only fit partially, others are pretty accurate. So, when I went to therapy recently, it was a little out of nowhere but yet unsurprising to hear that my therapist diagnosed me with ADHD. A former therapist once suggested that as well, but I forgot about it, as usual. My mother recently joked that I got all the loose change of the family DNA, all the leftovers; I think she might be right.

So, I’m happy to have more answers, to have more of a “normal” life with some future adjustments, and I’m happy to have a space that lets me clear this busy head. At least for now.